Years
ago, my wife left me on the floor to die. How can I forgive
her if she has not asked me to?
Forgiveness
is a gift we give, to God, to the other person and to ourselves.
By forgiving the other, you remove an obstacle between yourself
and God. You give to the other “without counting the
cost,” just as Jesus advised. And you give yourself
a measure of freedom from unresolved conflict and hard feelings.
If the other doesn’t reciprocate, you have lost nothing.
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I
am an Orthodox Christian from India…The Hindus say,
“Aham Brahmasmi”—“I am God
or Brahma.” We say that we are sons of God. We also
acknowledge the Spirit within. Both decry the separatist forces
of the ego—or the me—as what alienates
us from God. But the traditional church says that salvation
is only through these churches that have a direct lineage
from the apostles, and the Holy Spirit is passed through their
laying on of hands. Somehow, I cannot believe that the Spirit
is subject to the clergy. Jesus said that the Spirit is like
the wind and no one knows whither he comes/goes.
Apostolic
tradition mainly relates to the laying on of hands at ordination,
not to the giving of the Holy Spirit in general. The belief
in traditional churches is that ordained ministries date back
to the first apostles and derive their unique authority from
the unbroken chain of “apostolic succession” through
Peter and on to today’s bishops, and through their hands
to priests and deacons, as well as to laity through confirmation.
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Do
you teach immersion for the remission of sins as in Acts 2:38
as the way to follow what Jesus tells us to do in order to
have a home with him in heaven?
God’s
love isn’t something we earn. It is a free gift, given
to all, baptized and unbaptized. As Paul said, nothing can
separate us from the love of God.
Baptism
is one way of connecting ourselves with others who are being
loved in that way and joining with them in Christian servanthood.
In baptism, we join the Body of Christ and agree to accept
the duties, joys and dangers of that affiliation.
Heaven
isn’t a prize that we win by being baptized. Heaven,
as Jesus described it, is the place where God welcomes all
whom he has made.
The
Greek word translated as “baptism,” by the way,
can mean both “bathe” (as in immerse oneself in
water) and “wash” (as in dip one’s hands
in water), making unnecessary the long-standing argument about
total immersion vs. dipping.
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In
my tradition, women are to be quiet. As a woman am I to keep
silent just as St Paul said?
Much
of the Christian Church’s response to women is lost
in ancient mists. Jesus himself had no respect for traditional
boundaries against women. He welcomed women to his circle,
treated them as equals and as leaders, and apparently had
a special relationship with Mary Magdalene. The nature of
that relationship is open to speculation, but the fact of
it is clear in the Easter scene in John’s Gospel.
Paul is viewed as putting women under more constraint. In
fact, his comments about women staying quiet in church referred
to a particular group of women who were apparently gossips
and troublemakers. He seems to have been celibate himself
and recommended that as a preferable life style. His larger
teaching on the Christian household was that its members should
be “subject to one another” and love each other.
It was the early Church that moved women to the sidelines
and declared them unfit for leadership. Why they did that
is unknown, although several scholars have speculated on it.
In recent changes that have brought women into full participation
in church life and leadership, we are simply catching up with
where Jesus was 2,000 years ago.
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Can
you give me counsel concerning a dating relationship leading
toward marriage with a Mormon? I attend the Methodist church,
but identify myself as a Christian not any certain denomination.
The keys to relationships between people of different religions
are, first, openness about expectations and, second, mutual
respect.
At some point, you both need to consider what expectations
each of you has about ongoing religious affiliation and practice.
For example, will he expect you to convert to the Mormon tradition?
Will his family have that expectation? Will he be diminished
in his church if you don’t convert? What would conversion
require of you? And, of course, the expectation questions
work the other way, too. Would you expect him to convert to
your Christian tradition? And so on. As to practice, if you
maintain separate religious affiliations, what are your expectations
about spending time in each? Go to your church one week and
his the next? Go to separate churches?
If the expectations—conversion, no conversion, time
spent in each tradition—seem reasonable to both of you,
the matter of mutual respect comes into play. Religion can
be divisive, even with families. How will the two of you handle
religious differences? Can you each respect the other if different
faiths continue?
There are many such questions in forming a relationship. Whether
the wife changes her name, whether you expect to have children,
how you want to balance work, how you want to handle household
duties. Each of these questions can benefit from this same
approach: what are your expectations, and can you maintain
respect even when you disagree.
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Many
churches are not especially welcoming. There is a strong feeling
of unwelcomeness in a couple I have been in which has put
me off. Can you comment on finding a church home?
Yes,
many congregations are struggling with basic matters like
welcoming people to worship. I think we are still getting
over the 1950s, when it was easy to build churches and keep
the doors open. Now we need to work hard, work smart, and
work creatively. In my opinion, many want to do exactly that
work, and many don’t. Some congregations are content
to age gracefully and leave the future to someone else. I
suspect you can skip churches like that.
There
are, however, many congregations that are committed to working
hard. You just have to shop around. One way to do that is
to see which congregations are mentioned in the newspaper
as building Habitat houses, serving at soup kitchens, or holding
prayer vigils for victims and violence. A church that is giving
its life and substance away is likely to be welcoming of you.
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