Love
in Action:
Relationships as an Expression of Faith
Jerry L. Harber, D. Min.
Director, The Center for Business Solutions
As
people of faith, we are continually looking for ways to live
our faith with
others. We know we can volunteer for soup kitchens, clothes closets, and
Habitat houses. But these are occasional. What about day-to-day? We
experience many inter and intra-personal encounters every
day and these moments of
interaction
offer the most readily available place to live our faith.
These
moments, whether fleeting exchanges with strangers or enduring
ones with our families
and friends,
are opportunities to either bless or curse. That assertion may sound
pretty strong, but it’s true. And since it’s
true, we need to be sure we use these experiences to bless.
As
a simple, but powerful guideline, let’s take the Golden
Rule—“do unto others as you would have them do
unto you.” To unleash the power of this Rule, stop
a moment and ask yourself how you want to be treated. Chances are you want
to be treated with respect, to have your dignity and sense
of self worth valued and affirmed. You want to be acknowledged
for the good you do and for the help you’ve been.
You want to be loved, at least in the sense that your needs
are taken seriously.
If
you want these things, then those around us likely want
them as well. It’s
true for the clerk at the grocery store, your family members, or the stranger
in the elevator. To make sure your interactions with them bless instead of
curse, you can simply tap into the list above.
Think
about how your encounters with others can convey respect,
affirm dignity and self worth, acknowledge
goodness, and model love. Take the simplest example: You’re on the elevator
and a stranger gets on. You can smile. You can ask, “What floor?” and
press the button for them. If you feel comfortable, you could say, “nice
jacket” or dress or bag. The
bad news about relationships is this: We are less likely
to do these simple
things at home than anywhere. The good news is we can consciously change that.
You can improve someone else’s feeling about themselves and strengthen
your relationship at the same time.
Look, you
like to be thanked for doing something good or nice, so thank your spouse
for a great dinner or for how
good the yard looks. Tell your kids how much you appreciate them. (This one
can be really hard!) Volunteer the comment, “You really look nice tonight.” Don’t
make someone ask. Practice catching people doing right things, good things
and comment favorably on it. Use this as a replacement for the well-honed
ability to spot
the disappointments and goofs.
How
about this: You like to have someone’s undivided attention;
it makes you feel valued and important. Next time you’re
watching TV or reading and a family member begins to talk
to you, look away from the TV or reading and look right
at them. If
the conversation seems really important, mute or turn off
the TV; close the book. Why? No TV program or book is as
important as that person at that moment! That’s love in
action—self-sacrificial
love, the greatest kind.
These
things really seem simple, don’t they? They are simple
but they’re not
easy. They’re hard to do because they are not very natural for us. What’s
natural is to think only of ourselves, but our Golden Rule tells us to only
start
there. Imagine what the world would be like if we all practiced this! Better
yet, don’t imagine. Start where you are, waiting for no one else to change.
You’ll experience the joy of faith in action and the deepening of your
relationships.
Find
out more about pastoral
counseling.
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